Teen Mom Bios: Maci | Farrah | Catelynn | Amber | Leah | Chelsea | Kailyn | Jenelle Teen Mom Junkies

leah

LEAH

On another staged Leah and Jeremy date, he asks her to be his girlfriend.  Then he asks what happened with Corey and she’s like, “he was doing things, I was doing things…” but doesn’t actually say what they were doing.  Anyway, I’m kind of bored with Leah and Jeremy already.

Since they’re “officially” boyfriend and girlfriend, Leah thinks it’s a great time to meet the girls.  Sometimes I forget kids are involved in this show.  It seems like its usually just relationship problems.

Leah calls Corey to tell him she’s seeing Jeremy and gives him the low-down.  He seems all cool with it and says he wants to meet Jeremy again, since he’ll be spending time around the twins.

CHELSEA

Shut up about, Adam!  Okay, so Chelsea hasn’t spoken to Adam since he broke up with her and she’s been all depressed and mopey and decides to go to therapy, since she has a habit of dating guys who treat her like shit.

When Chelsea brings up therapy to her mom, her mom thinks it’s a good idea.  Chels is all, “Why does everyone think I’m so messed up?”  Chelsea, I have 1 word for you: Adam.

So Chelsea goes to therapy and immediately starts in on her drama with Adam, and blames it on her parents divorcing when she was a Freshman.  She doesn’t want Aubree to deal with having split up parents.  The therapist tells her to Google “boundaries.”  When she does, she finds out she has low self-esteem.  I could have told her that.

KAILYN

Kail is all upset that Jordan has been hanging with other girls and cries to Jo about it.  Seems kind of weird to me to talk about your love problems with your ex like that.  Anyway, Shifty tells Kailyn to just go on with her life and stop worrying about having a boyfriend.  Why doesn’t she ever take this advice?  He’s not the first person to tell her that.

Kail calls Jordan to officially end things.  She says she doesn’t want Isaac to grow up in an unstable relationship.  Maybe she should talk to Chelsea…

When Kail is telling Jo all these, she gets all upset when she realizes she’ll probably never be with Jo.  He’s all serious with Vee and stuff now.

JENELLE

Jenelle’s been passing her drug tests, but she’s off her medication.  Babsy tells her to go back on her meds.  Listen to your mother, Jenelle!  So, anyway, Jenelle tells Babs about some new guy she met and Babs’ first two questions are: Is he cute and is he skinny.

Um, what?  Has Babsy been hitting the sauce?

So the guy Jenelle is meeting up with is named Josh.  Right away, she tells him she’s on probation.  To his credit, he doesn’t run away.  Turns out he just got off probation for stealing his mom’s credit card.  It’s a match made in heaven.

Right away, Josh goes with them to Myrtle Beach…”them” being Jenelle AND Jace.  Why does she bring him around her son so soon?  They all seem to do it.  I kind of wonder if MTV pushes this?  They need material, dammit!

When Jenelle is talking to Babs about the date, Babs is like, “Does he have a car?”  And Jenelle says, “Yes, so he’s very responsible too.”  Because having a car = being responsible.  Got it.

Wow!  Jenelle and I have something in common: “When I get tired, I turn into a raging bitch, dude.”  She said this during a meeting of Josh and Babs.  Josh looks like “whoa.”  Haha.

And then Adam…sniff…Aubree misses him…sniff…I’m selling myself short…sniffffff

Just kidding.  No one is shocked.

CHELSEA

More stuff about Adam.  Ugh, when will the madness end???

So Chelsea and Adam don’t talk much since he got into a fight with Papa Randy.  She calls him and is like, “Omg, I need my Adamboo!” and he said that it isn’t working out and she has her dad to thank for it.  Cue the weird music and Chelsea’s raccoon eyes as she boo hoos over this and the rest of us are getting up for snacks.

Chelsea goes running to daddy and tells him that he got too involved.  I love how she blames other people for Adam’s douchebaggery.  Randy goes on and on about how Adam never chipped in for the bills or anything, and Chelsea is all, “I just think someday he’s gonna grow up.”  She ends up agreeing with him that she should maybe move on for Aubree’s sake.  Hallelujah!

WARNING!!!!!!!!  Adam without his shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *covers eyes*  Adam is telling his tattoo artist (because he can afford tattoos and not bills) that he loves the single life at night and is done with Chelsea.

Meanwhile, Chelsea is studying for her GED, but can’t focus because she’s still smitten over Adam.  (In other news, Chelsea got a new puppy since she was feeling lonely.  Her friend about the dog: “He’s a lot cuter.”  HAHAHA.  I love that.)

When Chelsea has to take her GED the next day, she can’t get out of bed because she was mooning over Adam all night.  Her friend tells her that it’s better for Aubree to be in a healthy environment instead of having a screwed up family.  Can I get an AMEN???

LEAH

Leah is all excited about starting school and about Husband #2 (Jeremy) that she has started talking to.

Leah rambles on and on about how she always gets serious and doesn’t want someone else to hurt her.  Earth to Leah: STOP GETTING SO SERIOUS THEN!  I guess it’s too late for that though.  Anyway, her and her newest heartthrob set up a date.

Leah and Jeremy end up going Go-Kart racing or something (don’t hate me, I don’t really know what they’re doing, haha.  Looks like Go-Karts though.)  Jeremy reminds me an awful lot of Corey.  They both have trucks and both need subtitles.  Leah should run away fast.

Leah starts nursing school and misses her girls, and feels weird not knowing anyone at school.  When she’s ready to feel sorry for herself, she gets flowers delivered to her at the school.  Guess who they’re from?  Yep.  Loverboy.

KAILYN

Jordan doesn’t trust Kailyn because she cheated on him with Jo, which is always a good basis for a relationship.  Kail admits to her friend that she wants to ditch Jordan sometimes to hang out with her friends and her friend says that Kail has never been single and, hey!  Maybe she should try it sometime.  Kail is very hesitant.  It appears she needs a man in her life to not feel lonely.

When Kail calls Jordan later to tell him she’s going out with friends, he gives her the third degree about who she’s going out with, which she isn’t too happy about.  Later on, she tells Jordan that they rushed into getting back together and that she wants to be apart for awhile so she can focus on Isaac and school.  She pretty much breaks up with him without breaking up with him.  She says she won’t change her status on Facebook and he says he won’t either.  WELL, THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!  That Facebook status pretty much tells you everything you need to know!  (As a side note, how annoying are those people who change their relationship status every couple of days?  Geesh.)

After a night out with friends, she was supposed to meet up with Jordan, but he said he’s hanging out with some girl and can’t meet up with her after all.  Kail freaks on him and he ends up hanging up on her after saying she’s the one who wanted a break.

JENELLE

Jenelle wants to write a letter to her probation officer saying she won’t smoke anymore and, if she does, she can lock her up.  Not only that, but Jenelle and her friend, Tori, make a pact not to smoke weed anymore.  (And we all know how that turns out, ahem.)

Jenelle reads the letter to The Babs, but I have to admit my mind started wandering.  Jenelle reads in such a monotone.  But she basically says that she won’t smoke weed anymore.

It’s Jace’s 2nd birthday and Jenelle shows up with a present and then she talks to Jace about how his dad missed his birthday…again.  This is only like the second time they ever mentioned Andrew and it just seems so awkward and out of place when they do.

Later, Attorney Dustin calls Jenelle and says that the probation officer is giving Jenelle another chance.  He tells her to be on her best behavior.  Easier said than done, Dustin.  Easier said than done.

Seeing as the feedback I got from the photo of Dalis in her bra was mostly positive (even from girls), I apologize in advance for Jenelle in her panties.

In order to clear up the pregnancy rumors, Jenelle did what any sensible person who has been linked to all types of drugs would do…. take a picture in front of the mirror looking extremely thin, pill bottles on her dresser, and absolutely 0 signs of surgery that she was supposedly in the hospital for.

I don’t want to call Jenelle a liar, but let’s just say the reason she’s in her panties is because all of her pants caught on fire.

Hopefully this will be the last Jenelle story for awhile, but I have a feeling she has been creating a big web of “untruths” that will all eventually come crumbling down in a few weeks when something breaks.  I just cannot buy the ovarian cyst story after this photo.   I am still not sure if she is pregnant, but it does give a lot more validity to the eyewitness who was in the hospital with Jenelle.

Because Jenelle and whatever boyfriend she’s with at the time still hasn’t grasped the concept of twitter conversations being public, we were treated to another gem yesterday.  Her future ex-husband, Courtland, took to twitter to say this…

omfg just got the best news i have ever had…and my life just keeps getting better….jenelle….i freaking love you!!@PBandJenelley_1

And of course, Jenelle replied….

@courtyb11 love u too be out of the doctors in a min ill show u the paper when I get in the car :)

Which means while Jenelle was still sitting there in the doctors office with her bare bottom flowing in the breeze, she texted Courtland (who was apparently waiting in the car) the news.  Being the best news he’s ever had in his life, he had to share it with whoever it is reads his twitter account.   Keep in mind, before Jenelle can even get dressed, rumors start circulating about Jenelle being pregnant.  I mean she’s at a doctor with a paper that apparently gave him the best news ever?  It has to be pregnancy, right?  Even if it were test results saying he didn’t have the herp, he wouldn’t be over the moon with the results, would he?

But wait, Jenelle tries to “clear things up” with this gem….

I HAD A PSYCHIATRIST APPOINTMENT TODAY, IM NOT PREGNANT.

Right, gotcha. That tweet did absolutely nothing to squash the pregnancy rumors, because there are probably about 5 people out there who actually believe it.  Either Jenelle got a lifetime prescription to Xanax and Courtland was anxious to see it in person, or she was never at a shrink.

Seriously, psychiatrist appt?  That’s the best you can come up with?  Just minutes prior you said you’ll be out of the doctors with a paper for Courtland.  You could have at least said it was a personal matter from the family doctor.

What do you think about her “psychiatry” appt?

I just sat back to relax, thinking the daily crazy Jenelle story was done with Courtland’s new tattoo, but then I get news they somehow topped it. According to Radaronline, Jenelle and Courtland put on their finest feathers, shiniest glasses and t-shirt tuxedo and went down to the local courthouse to get hitched.  That’s right, in order to beat Corey’s mark of 6 months dating, Jenelle and Courtland made it official and are now a married couple.  Edward and Bella,  Prince William and Kate Middleton, and now Courtland and Jenelle Rogers.  It’s like the world is now complete and now it can end this year and we’ll all be happy …. and yes, kill me for using a Twilight reference.

I know it was her sister who leaked it to Radar Online, but based on the photo she revealed about the car accident, I tend to believe Ashleigh more than Jenelle these days. In addition, she supplied a copy of the wedding certificate, so here you go…

(is it wedding certificate, marriage license, marriage proof?  I don’t know the exact term)

It wouldn’t be us if we didn’t put a realistic spin on it, so it’s time to have a poll….

[polldaddy poll=6743518]

While it finally appears the Jenelle clan found a real tattoo artist who doesn’t prep the work with crayon, they took the opportunity to get the worst tattoo you can possibly get.   No, Jenelle’s current fling, Courtland, didn’t get Radar online.com tattooed to his chest (although it wouldn’t shock me if he did), he did put Jenelle’s name into his skin – for life.

I often get asked during live tweets why I watch Teen Mom since I supposedly ‘hate’ all the moms (I don’t, but that’s another story), and this is why.  I watch because MTV was able to cast a group of young people who do outrageous things like tattoo names to their bodies.  If all the moms were responsible with just a tiny bit of life drama, we’d have a show with Catelynn, Chelsea, and Kailyn but nobody would watch it.   Jersey Shore isn’t popular because a few kids from NJ spend time together at a beach house and drink soda while eating s’mores.  Catfish isn’t getting popular because all the online relationships work out perfect and turn into love stories.   Buck Wild isn’t going to depict a bunch of people from a southern area trying to break the stereotype of rednecks by attending college and getting good jobs.

MTV put a bunch of train wreck moms mixed in with some responsible ones because that’s what people want to watch.   Whenever I tell anyone I blog about Teen Mom, the first people they mention are Amber or Jenelle.  I’ve yet to hear someone say “Oh is that the show with that nice young girl Catelynn?”  or “Ohh I know what you’re talking about, that girl with white hair who comes from a really loving home?” 

Take the episode last night for example… they tried to make a big deal about Chelsea going to a concert and not studying her GED, yet briefly showed the clip about how she passed the practice test despite being dead tired.  The Kailyn / Jo thing was almost pointless.  Kailyn and Jo were fighting for more time with their son because they both love him tremendously.  That’s basically a non-story unless you fabricate some drama with being nervous over mediation.

I know I sidetracked quite a bit from Courtland’s stupid tattoo, but I think I wanted an excuse to vent a little.  Everyone reading this knows he’ll be scrambling to cover that up in a few weeks/months when they break up, and that’s why I love our readers / twitter / FB followers.  We have built up a following of loyal readers who enjoy Teen Mom for the same reasons we do, so if you are looking for a site that pretends the girls are all perfect people, this is not that place.  I don’t need to be mentioned by someone on the show to justify what I write.  The insane amount of positive feedback / retweets I get during live tweets by our readers is why I do this.