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jenelle-courtland-pregnant

So I was sitting around this morning and something didn’t feel right.  Did I forget the stove on?  Did I lock my keys in my car?  Did I go the gym and push so hard I had an accident without any change of clothes?  Nope, none of those luckily.   It still felt like something was wrong and I couldn’t shake it.

Then, I saw it… Radar Online announced that Jenelle and Courtland Evans have been grinding genitals without protection and one of his seeds somehow managed to bravely march through the tunnels of Jenelle to secure a spot in her 15 minutes of fame.  The path was a rough one, as his soldiers had to pass the dead, wounded and strung out seeds of both Gary and Kieffer.  Despite the mission at hand, seeds kept dropping out of the march to die with the rest as they lay in the tunnels with needles sticking out of their tails.   There was one lone soldier who just wouldn’t give up. Perhaps he had some of the Breaking Bad blue meth, or perhaps he was motivated by his creators tattoo of ‘Alnost Fanous’, we will never know what happened down there.  What we do know is he achieved victory and reached his goal of breaking into Jenelle’s egg.

Some may call it a publicity stunt, some may call it a miracle, and some may just lower their heads and accept this is reality.  Jenelle Evans is indeed pregnant and has created a situation where half of the Teen Mom 2 cast have become pregnant by at least two different guys before the age of 22.

On a side note, I do wonder how much they got paid for the story.  To confirm the reports, Courtland has been retweeting all types of people saying Jenelle is pregnant, and then tweeted:

I can’t comment on anything though I wish I could all I can say is pick up a copy of star magazine or goto http://radaronline.com  to find out

In other words “Radar paid us for the exclusive story and we can’t break our contract with them”. I’m sure they will be bashed for selling the story, but let’s be real,  every mom has sold stories to the tabloids.  On a personal level, I don’t think it’s a publicity stunt, nor do I think they got pregnant to make some extra cash.  I think it’s merely two young people making a questionable decision at a rough stage in their lives (Jenelle was recently in treatment for heroin), and now they’re going to milk it for every penny they can…. kind of like every mom who has appeared on 16 and pregnant.

Oh, it's only my crazy mom again.  No big deal.

Oh, it’s only my crazy mom again. No big deal.

KAILYN

Kail is now home from Texas and tells her friend, Gigi, that she’s thinking of moving there.

When Kailyn goes to Jo’s house the next day, she finds out that her mother, Suzi, stopped by, which makes Kail flip a nutty.  She doesn’t want her mom seeing Isaac, which Jo doesn’t agree with.  He thinks Suzi should be allowed to see Isaac.

Since Suzi has Kail’s number blocked, Kail uses her friend, Mark’s, phone to call her…Suzi just keeps hanging up on Kail, however.  Suzi calls her back and is all, “I don’t have to ask for permission!  He’s my grandson!”  Then she just hangs up again.

With all this mama drama, Kail decides to bring up the subject to Jo.  He thinks they should patch up their differences, and she drops the bombshell that she’s thinking of moving to Texas.  Understandably, Jo doesn’t think this is a great idea.

JENELLE

Jenelle left Josh because they haven’t been getting along.  Big shocker there.  Jenelle ends up moving in with her friend Amber.  The two of them talk about getting a larger place together, where Amber’s son and Jace can share a room.

Babsy approves.

Jenelle misses class to look for a house with Amber.  She decides to “un-enroll” altogether.

When Jenelle brings it up with Babs, Babs jumps across the porch and wrings Jenelle’s neck.  Well, not really, but in my imagination she did.  She just told her it wasn’t a good idea and she still has to pay those loans back, etc.  Babs tells Jenelle to not give up her education.

LEAH

I will reiterate: Leah is really bad at recreating conversations.  I seriously have no idea what she’s talking to Jeremy about.  She’s trying to tell him her decision (about whether or not she’ll give Corey another chance), and it sounds like she isn’t.

THEN! there’s an awkward conversation between Corey and his friend Austin.  Austin looks like he would rather be anywhere but sitting in front of Corey with an MTV camera crew in front of him.

After all these confusing conversations, it appears that she is staying with Jeremy (which we already knew, of course, but I’m pretending this is the first time I heard this news).

Jenelle isn’t the only one missing class to look at houses.  Miss Leah does the same thing.  I sense a recurring theme in this episode.

Note to Leah: Stop playing with your hair!  Sheesh!  It’s almost distracting.  Okay, it’s very distracting.  Or maybe I’m just in a mood today.

When Leah talks to Jeremy later, he says he was thinking about them living together.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already pregnant at this point.

CHELSEA

Chelsea mentions Adam the first damn sentence of every single episode.  Do they put her up to that?  Does MTV say, “Okay, now your only story line is Adam, so talk about how you haven’t talked to him.  Then take a GED test or something, and maybe primp in the bathroom after that.”  I’m embarrassed for her.

To kill time, we watch Chelsea chase her dog around for 10 minutes, until he disappears.  Cue the dramatic music.  It turns out her dog was attacked by a neighbor dog, which is really sad.  The dog died.  WHAT THE HELL, MTV???  I kind of want to stop watching this show now.  I mean, come on!  Go back to the Adam drama.

I can’t even talk about Chelsea’s segment anymore.

All you need to know is that she passed her practice test.  Just barely though.

Aubs-and-Chelsea

Guess what?  We missed the last episode of Teen Mom 2.  Why?  Because it was Christmas Eve and I was doing other stuff, like getting really drunk and embarrassing myself, but I digress.  In addition to that, my DVR hates the show and never wants to record it, and I didn’t feel like watching it online.

With that said, I’m sure we missed really important stuff…or not.  I’m going to go with “not.”

And now, without further ado…

CHELSEA

Chelsea took a GED test!  But, of course, she can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning Adam.  It’s like she tries to think of a way to mention him in every single conversation.

Papa Randy mentions that Chelsea shouldn’t have a job while she’s in beauty school, since it’s full time, and she’s all, “How am I going to pay my bills?  Start stripping?”  I’m pretty sure that’s something I wouldn’t mention to my dad, but Randy takes it in stride.

In other news, Chelsea is going to start potty training Aubree.  There is nothing I love more than to hear about someone’s bathroom habits.  But, hey!  At least they’re focusing on one of the children now, and less on failing relationships.

Anyway, Aubree wants nothing to do with it and kicked the potty over.  Luckily it hadn’t been used yet, or that would have made a really disgusting mess.

Update on Chelsea’s GED so far: she passed her reading and social studies tests.

JENELLE

So Jenelle moved in with Josh, huh?  Why does this not surprise me?  She’s wondering if she moved in with him too quickly.  Why does she wonder this?  They’ve been dating a whole week! Sheesh.  Anyway, Jenelle is annoyed at how immature and “weird” Josh is.

Jenelle brings it up to Babsy that she wants to bring Jace home overnight, since she’s been spending more time with him lately.  Babsmeister is not too keen on the idea.  You know what this means, don’t you?  Fight!!!

During a family outing, Jenelle is super sick and can’t go on a family outing and Babs isn’t too happy about it.  So, um, why didn’t she just call Babs ahead of time to let her know instead of having her trek them all out to Jenelle’s house?  Anyway, Jenelle is crying and Babs is going off on her about how she disappointed Jace.

LEAH

Apparently Corey wants to get back together and she lets Jeremy in on this.

Side note: Does anyone think Leah is terrible at recreating conversations?  It can’t be that easy though, to pretend this is the first time you’ve talked about this.

Anyway, they pin the whole break-up on Corey again, because that’s what they do by default.

Later, Leah hotfoots it to Corey’s house to discuss the sitch with him.  Corey says he misses how it used to be and that she’s the only girl he’s ever been in love with.  He tells her that he still gets butterflies around her.  Then the subtitles stop and I have no idea what Corey is saying.  I need to learn how to read lips. From the gist of things, it sounds like they don’t want to just jump back into a relationship together.

Side note: At one point, Leah heads out to meet up with her friend and, by the time she leaves the house and arrives at the restaurant, she had completely changed her clothes and her went from a ponytail to being down.  Thanks to a reader for pointing this out to us.  I love seeing inconsistencies in TV shows and movies!

When Leah has another recreated convo with Corey, she isn’t too happy with him, because she doesn’t think he’s sincere and doing it because he loves her.

Leah decides to evaluate things and think if it’s worth ruining her relationship with Jeremy over.  Her parents try to talk some sense into her and tell her to think of her kids…she “can’t afford this to be a bad decision.”

KAILYN

Kail is heading to Texas to meet up with her half sister, because she doesn’t have much of a storyline otherwise.

Kailyn is thinking about moving away and asks her cousin, Kaylie, about Texas and if she likes living there.  Kaylie gushes about Texas and how much she loves it…and then they ride a mechanical bull.  Because that’s what people do in Texas.  Wait!  I went to Texas and didn’t ride a bull.  I feel so ripped off.

So this family’s names…

Kailyn

Kaylie (her cousin)

Mikayla (her half sister)

Okay then.  Just a random observation by yours truly, but that’s a lot of similar sounding names.

Anyway, this is only the second time Kailyn has met Mikayla.  They have the same dad, who seems to be a real loser.

Kailyn decides to think about moving to Texas and how it would go with Jo, etc.

courtland-tattoo-flag

Courtland “Anmost Fanous” Rogers decided to hit up the tattoo parlor once again, and he didn’t disappoint. His new tattoo is supposed to be his skin ripped open (for some reason – I’ll assume a meth fight) to reveal what is really inside him, which is the confederate flag.  Before I talk about the flag part, am I the only one who things the bottom ‘tear’ looks like a real beat-up lady part?   As a matter of fact, it almost looks like Jonah Hill’s character from Superbad decided to change his drawing of choice and went to work on Courtland’s chest.  (If you haven’t seen Superbad, see it, you’ll understand the reference)

So, why would Courtland decide to get a tattoo of a flag that generally represents all that was bad in the early parts of American history?  His grandmama told him to of course! According to Jenelle, his grandmother owned the very first railroads in NC which makes Courtland an expert on the Civil War.  Even if you gloss over the “owning the first RR” part, which would put his grandmother at around 177 years old, I’m still not sure how that has any impact on Courtland’s knowledge of the war.

I’m not going to get all sanctimonious and start preaching about the meaning of the flag.  I understand many people ignore the bad parts of the confederacy and look at “The South” as their own little country with their own little flag representing them.  Slavery was a bad time in history but it’s not like the north was innocent throughout the entire ordeal.  That said, you have to be a complete dope if you don’t know the controversy surrounding the flag, so to permanently put it on your body is not something I would do.   To be fair, this is the same guy who had his girlfriend/wife’s name tattooed on his chest, so it’s not like Courtland is the poster child for intelligent decisions regarding ink.

Side notes: I can only imagine how he got the real scar on his hip.  In addition, that red mark is a bruise and not a shaved armpit, right?  I think that would be too low to be his armpit, but you can never be too sure.

Anyway, new Teen Mom 2 on tonight.  We didn’t blog last time it was on, but we will be recapping and live tweeting tonight, so be sure to follow!

Jenelle_Evans_son_Jace_Twitter

 

Warning, I’m a little annoyed writing this, and it has nothing to do with Jenelle.   I need to rant a little before I get started, and I know how much you all love that.  While I love getting stories e-mailed to me, it is getting slightly annoying to read comments about how we slack regarding Jenelle news.  I wrote a story on that train wreck on friday, yet because I didn’t spend my entire weekend at the computer just waiting for the next move she makes, I am being called a slacker.  Guess what, when it comes to Jenelle, it’s the same freakin story over and over.  Are people really upset I didn’t quickly produce a carbon copy of my other Jenelle break-up stories in a timely fashion?  I’ve been calling Courtland her future ex-husband before they were married, so waiting for that to happen is like waiting for Lindsay Lohan to break the law.  You know it will happen, you just never know when.

Starcasm did indeed cover it, and in great detail as they always do.  If you want to see all the tweets, check out the link here. The difference between this site and Starcasm’s is that we don’t have a team of writers covering these shows all the time.  If I ever made enough money to pay someone to monitor who Jenelle is grinding genitals with or what drugs she’s rumored to be on, I’d do it no problem.  The problem is, I’m not smart like the owner of Starcasm, so I’ve yet to figure out a way to make money to pay people to do the work.   If any pro bloggers want to clue me in, I’m all ears.

Rant over… now to the predictable story I should have already had saved on my computer.  It appears Jenelle is done with Courtland.  It also appears she is super insecure because the reason for this big blowout was that Courtland was chatting with the mother of his child on twitter…. yes, twitter.   To be fair, Jenelle does treat twitter like it’s her diary and shares way too much info on it at times.  While most people use it to make one-liners, apparently Jenelle thinks it’s a relationship sin to converse with an ex over it.

If you’re a reader of the blog, my better half (who does the episode recaps) has a kid with someone else.  You know what?  They were facebook friends and even had to see each other once in awhile.  Wow, crazy right?  I know people are wondering how I managed to control my rage and jealousy, but I’ll give you a hint, it’s a little thing called maturity.. something most of the moms from Teen Mom severely lack.

Now, I don’t know the complete story, nor do I even really care.  Like I mentioned above, we all knew the relationship was doomed the day it started, simply because Jenelle is part of it.  How many people actually really care about the details of why they broke up?   Let’s just say the moon was in the wrong spot, and you’ll probably already be half right.

One note, I do hear that she didn’t sign a prenupt, but I don’t think it really matters.  I’m no expert on law, but if I were a betting man, I’d say most of our readers have more money in their banks than Jenelle does at this moment.  If she were to get divorced now, Courtland would receive half of nearly nothing, and I don’t think he’d be able to cash in on the future checks that come in for her. Although, I suppose there is the alimony angle, but again I don’t have a clue how often she gets paid, or if they can even really settle on long-term payments from checks that come every few months (allegedly).   Perhaps the readers know more about that than I do.

If Jenelle is nearly broke today, like she is rumored to be, does Courtland get any money now or in the future?  Feel free to chime in because I’m curious about this.

jenelle-courtland-4

First off, I hope everyone had a good Christmas if you celebrate it.  If you don’t, I can now relate to how terrible Dec 25th can be for you.  I do celebrate the holiday, but on the way home from my sisters, we were craving some Dunkin Donuts bad.  Considering there are literally around 10 (or more) within like 5 minutes drive, we thought we’d get lucky with at least 1.  Nope, we had to drive 3 towns over for the nearest open Dunkin Donuts… yes, first world problems I know.

Nobody wants to hear about my Christmas coffee problems, but speaking of Christmas, MTV decided to run a new Teen Mom 2 this week.  The problem was that monday was Christmas eve and we weren’t home to live tweet it, and our DVR for some reason never wants to record the show.  Seriously, it works completely fine for every other show but every week I check and there is a big ‘not recording’ logo next to Teen Mom 2 despite no other conflicts.  I think my DVR is just sick of us watching a bunch of staged drama, but too bad comcast, the robots haven’t taken over yet, so you’re forced to deal with what we watch!  (When they do take over, the first thing my DVR is going to do is kill me in my sleep).

Moving on, the big story of the week was the long night suffered by Jenelle’s future ex-husband, Courtland Rogers.  Apparently it was something completely overblown to which he apologized for but it seems like he was a wreck all night.  I guess Jenelle said she was going home to see Jace (first red flag), but was on stickam with her friend Tori and Courtland didn’t really know what was happening.  He starts freaking out over twitter, because Jenelle has trained him to make sure all her fans know of their dirty laundry, and it even got Kailyn all worked up.  Check out a screenshot a fan sent:

jenelle-twitter

 

I am just completely in shock that a girl who has gone back and forth between two guys about 15 times in 2012, then hooked up with a third guy and married him faster than you can say ‘rebound’ is suddenly having relationship issues.  The best part was the tweet “Can’t believe she do this to me omfg”. Grammar aside, is Courtland really shocked at anything Jenelle would do at this point?  All he has to do is watch the first few seasons of Teen Mom 2 to realize how much of a mess she is, and then if he wanted more dirt, spend 5 minutes on the Internet looking up stories that haven’t made it on TV yet.   Better yet, just read her twitter feed for the past year, and then try to be shocked she “do this to you”.

I’ll say what I’ve said all along, Jenelle is pure gold from a bloggers perspective, so I’m not going to complain at all.  Without Jenelle, Teen Mom 2 would be incredibly painful to follow and blog about.  Other than the yearly marriages by either Corey or Leah, there is nothing else ever going on with that cast.  Kailyn and Chelsea are both apparently maturing, which is good for them, bad for us, but Jenelle keeps this train rolling.. at least until Teen Mom 3 comes out.

Will Courtland and Jenelle get divorced?  Almost certainly.  It’s merely a matter of ‘when’ at this point, but this fight doesn’t appear to be the one to do it. They’re already kissing and making up (get puke buckets ready), so those who had them divorced by the end of 2012 are likely going to lose that bet.  Don’t worry, there is always January.

Also, this post is already long enough, but feel free to also comment about how weird it is that going out at 3am is apparently normal behavior for them.