Teen Mom Bios: Maci | Farrah | Catelynn | Amber | Leah | Chelsea | Kailyn | Jenelle Teen Mom Junkies

So I am sick, but rather than lay in bed and cry myself to sleep like it’s my ex’s birthday, I decided to rough it out and not only live tweet, but give you guys a half-assed recap.  I know it’s probably not going to be nearly as deep as Melinda’s recaps, but it’s hard to tweet, recap and smash yourself in the head while watching some of the moves these girls make.

On to the show… (btw, I have been going over e-mails about the guest blogger and replying to many.  If you haven’t received a reply, you either sent after I got sick and haven’t had the energy yet, or my e-mail may have been lost in spam.  I am going to reply to everyone regardless)

Leah

So Leah’s story revolves around the terrible re-enactment of her engagement to Jeremy.  They dropped the girls off at Corey’s so he can celebrate their birthday with them (which we see about 2 seconds of), and went to a cabin in the woods.  While that sounds like a plot to a billion horror movies, this one actually turned out well for Leah, if you’re into the whole marriage thing.

Jeremy made Leah breakfast in bed to surprise her with the engagement.  While the acting was on par with a poorly made adult film, especially how Leah pretended to wake up despite having hair and makeup done, Jeremy has come out and said a lot of these scenes were re-created.  The reality is, MTV wasn’t there to catch a lot of their early relationship, so in order to make the show fit together, they had to do that with a lot of things… first date, first engagement, and apparently first pregnancy test (which we almost got to witness in detail).

Yes, Leah removed her IUD because Jeremy wants a child, and without fail it did not take long for her to become pregnant.  Sadly, off the top of my head I think this pregnancy ends tragically with a miscarriage, but the virus in my brain could be thinking of something else.  I can look at my archives, but that takes the fun out of speculating.

While at the salon, Leah’s friend tries to hint around that relationships don’t always last (like her first), and tries to give Leah a voice of reason.  That voice fell on deaf ears as Leah just went ahead and told her she thinks she’s pregnant. Later in the episode, she takes the test (which I already mentioned) and it is confirmed.

Kailyn

I know people like Kailyn, and I do too, but there really isn’t much to recap about her segment.   She got to know Javi a bit more, and introduced him to Isaac to make sure he’s not someone who will basically sit on their phone during important first events.  Sorry Jo, even the guy in me can’t defend the haircut thing.  If your child is getting their very first haircut, try to at least feign interest.  It’s one of those things you probably won’t forget, unless you were sitting on your phone the entire time sexting your gf.  (did I just use the word sexting?  How old AM I?)

Chelsea

Chelsea’s story continues where the last 10 episodes left off.  She continues to work at getting her GED while crying over Adam.  This week, she was crying because it was his birthday and she wasn’t celebrating it with him.   Yes, kind of sad event, but it was completely diminished by the fact that Chelsea cries over anything related to Adam.

The biggest story of the week was the fact that Chelsea moved out of her old apt into what I can only assume is a tanning booth, and she finished her GED leaving us wondering if next week will just be about Adam only.  If so, kill me.

Jenelle

This week in the life of Jenelle, she receives a call from the father, or alleged father of her mothers soon to be adopted son, Jace.  This brings out memories like the fact that about a month before she was taking her own pregnancy test, she was off banging one of her friends ex-boyfriends at a party.

To anyone following Jenelle over the past few years, this really came as no surprise to anyone watching.  The biggest surprise did come when she spoke with Andrew later in the episode and actually sounded like an adult while asking him to get a DNA test.

By the way, during said phone call, Andrew asked how old Jace – his alleged son – is.  Let that sink in.

Discuss the episode like I know you guys love to do!  I hope my recap didn’t suck!

jenelle-courtland

 

First off, I know I’m a slacker.  I didn’t live tweet Teen Mom this week, and this is my first post since Jenelle announced Courtland’s sperm somehow penetrated her body.  In addition to being extremely bored with this season of Teen Mom 2, the little one has the flu and taking care of her was more important than watching Teen Mom 2.  However, if you want a recap, I’m going to guess it was more of this:

– Chelsea embarrasses herself over Adam, goes to her fathers house to get lectured about how dumb she’s acting, and tries for her GED.
– Kailyn tells anyone who listens about her Texas trip and how she wants to move there.  People look at her like they look at me every time I say I want to move to Florida when it’s cold out.  They know it’s not going to happen and it’s just a pipe dream.
– Leah continues to re-create her first moments with Jeremy for MTV.  Maybe in some scenes she can remove her wedding band that he already gave her by then?
– Jenelle is Jenelle

And speaking of Jenelle, that’s what this story is about.  Her past few days have been very interesting, just as her past month really.  She got married just over a month ago, and most of the people predicted the marriage wouldn’t even last as long as Kim Kardashian’s marriages.   Then she announced she was pregnant only weeks after Courtland was over the moon about her “visit to the shrink”.

Well, as in the life of Jenelle, if you blink, you may miss something major, and that’s almost what I did this week with our daughter being sick.  From what I’m gathering, Jenelle went to the hospital yet again, and it was possibly related to something Courtland did.  Jenelle won’t confirm nor deny he did anything physical, which allows everyone to just speculate he beat her.   Of course, she has been shown to be a pathological liar over the years, so I’m not going to jump on that bandwagon unless he’s arrested over it.

However, what she did also confess to was that Courtland is not a loyal boyfriend and tries to have sex with anyone he speaks with.  Again, coming from Jenelle, you always have to take it with a grain of salt, but this one wouldn’t shock me.  She did post a picture of an envelope with a bunch of girls names on it, with one labeled “DTF”.  For privacy reasons, I won’t link to it, but it’s on her twitter and easy to find. Does that mean he cheated?  Hard to say, she claims it’s his handwriting, and honestly he probably did.  Neither of them seem like people of high character, so it wouldn’t shock me if they were both getting pieces on the side.

Courtland did tweet that he never did anything to hurt his wife, and apparently he is in poor health so he was doing things like visiting his friends grave before he went.  Jenelle posted that he is fine and just scared to come back to town.  So is Courtland dying?  Did he beat her?  Does anyone really care?

On a side note, if you want to be a guest writer on the blog, hit me up at stevebeans -at- teenmomjunkies -dot- com. I’d like to keep this blog updated often, but don’t always have the time.  I will write a new post explaining more, but in summary you’ll be submitting posts, Melinda and I will review them, and if we like it (think it’s funny, and/or informative), we’ll publish giving you credit. If you continue to share stories, you will become an official guest writer.

jenelle-courtland-pregnant

So I was sitting around this morning and something didn’t feel right.  Did I forget the stove on?  Did I lock my keys in my car?  Did I go the gym and push so hard I had an accident without any change of clothes?  Nope, none of those luckily.   It still felt like something was wrong and I couldn’t shake it.

Then, I saw it… Radar Online announced that Jenelle and Courtland Evans have been grinding genitals without protection and one of his seeds somehow managed to bravely march through the tunnels of Jenelle to secure a spot in her 15 minutes of fame.  The path was a rough one, as his soldiers had to pass the dead, wounded and strung out seeds of both Gary and Kieffer.  Despite the mission at hand, seeds kept dropping out of the march to die with the rest as they lay in the tunnels with needles sticking out of their tails.   There was one lone soldier who just wouldn’t give up. Perhaps he had some of the Breaking Bad blue meth, or perhaps he was motivated by his creators tattoo of ‘Alnost Fanous’, we will never know what happened down there.  What we do know is he achieved victory and reached his goal of breaking into Jenelle’s egg.

Some may call it a publicity stunt, some may call it a miracle, and some may just lower their heads and accept this is reality.  Jenelle Evans is indeed pregnant and has created a situation where half of the Teen Mom 2 cast have become pregnant by at least two different guys before the age of 22.

On a side note, I do wonder how much they got paid for the story.  To confirm the reports, Courtland has been retweeting all types of people saying Jenelle is pregnant, and then tweeted:

I can’t comment on anything though I wish I could all I can say is pick up a copy of star magazine or goto http://radaronline.com  to find out

In other words “Radar paid us for the exclusive story and we can’t break our contract with them”. I’m sure they will be bashed for selling the story, but let’s be real,  every mom has sold stories to the tabloids.  On a personal level, I don’t think it’s a publicity stunt, nor do I think they got pregnant to make some extra cash.  I think it’s merely two young people making a questionable decision at a rough stage in their lives (Jenelle was recently in treatment for heroin), and now they’re going to milk it for every penny they can…. kind of like every mom who has appeared on 16 and pregnant.

Oh, it's only my crazy mom again.  No big deal.

Oh, it’s only my crazy mom again. No big deal.

KAILYN

Kail is now home from Texas and tells her friend, Gigi, that she’s thinking of moving there.

When Kailyn goes to Jo’s house the next day, she finds out that her mother, Suzi, stopped by, which makes Kail flip a nutty.  She doesn’t want her mom seeing Isaac, which Jo doesn’t agree with.  He thinks Suzi should be allowed to see Isaac.

Since Suzi has Kail’s number blocked, Kail uses her friend, Mark’s, phone to call her…Suzi just keeps hanging up on Kail, however.  Suzi calls her back and is all, “I don’t have to ask for permission!  He’s my grandson!”  Then she just hangs up again.

With all this mama drama, Kail decides to bring up the subject to Jo.  He thinks they should patch up their differences, and she drops the bombshell that she’s thinking of moving to Texas.  Understandably, Jo doesn’t think this is a great idea.

JENELLE

Jenelle left Josh because they haven’t been getting along.  Big shocker there.  Jenelle ends up moving in with her friend Amber.  The two of them talk about getting a larger place together, where Amber’s son and Jace can share a room.

Babsy approves.

Jenelle misses class to look for a house with Amber.  She decides to “un-enroll” altogether.

When Jenelle brings it up with Babs, Babs jumps across the porch and wrings Jenelle’s neck.  Well, not really, but in my imagination she did.  She just told her it wasn’t a good idea and she still has to pay those loans back, etc.  Babs tells Jenelle to not give up her education.

LEAH

I will reiterate: Leah is really bad at recreating conversations.  I seriously have no idea what she’s talking to Jeremy about.  She’s trying to tell him her decision (about whether or not she’ll give Corey another chance), and it sounds like she isn’t.

THEN! there’s an awkward conversation between Corey and his friend Austin.  Austin looks like he would rather be anywhere but sitting in front of Corey with an MTV camera crew in front of him.

After all these confusing conversations, it appears that she is staying with Jeremy (which we already knew, of course, but I’m pretending this is the first time I heard this news).

Jenelle isn’t the only one missing class to look at houses.  Miss Leah does the same thing.  I sense a recurring theme in this episode.

Note to Leah: Stop playing with your hair!  Sheesh!  It’s almost distracting.  Okay, it’s very distracting.  Or maybe I’m just in a mood today.

When Leah talks to Jeremy later, he says he was thinking about them living together.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already pregnant at this point.

CHELSEA

Chelsea mentions Adam the first damn sentence of every single episode.  Do they put her up to that?  Does MTV say, “Okay, now your only story line is Adam, so talk about how you haven’t talked to him.  Then take a GED test or something, and maybe primp in the bathroom after that.”  I’m embarrassed for her.

To kill time, we watch Chelsea chase her dog around for 10 minutes, until he disappears.  Cue the dramatic music.  It turns out her dog was attacked by a neighbor dog, which is really sad.  The dog died.  WHAT THE HELL, MTV???  I kind of want to stop watching this show now.  I mean, come on!  Go back to the Adam drama.

I can’t even talk about Chelsea’s segment anymore.

All you need to know is that she passed her practice test.  Just barely though.

Aubs-and-Chelsea

Guess what?  We missed the last episode of Teen Mom 2.  Why?  Because it was Christmas Eve and I was doing other stuff, like getting really drunk and embarrassing myself, but I digress.  In addition to that, my DVR hates the show and never wants to record it, and I didn’t feel like watching it online.

With that said, I’m sure we missed really important stuff…or not.  I’m going to go with “not.”

And now, without further ado…

CHELSEA

Chelsea took a GED test!  But, of course, she can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning Adam.  It’s like she tries to think of a way to mention him in every single conversation.

Papa Randy mentions that Chelsea shouldn’t have a job while she’s in beauty school, since it’s full time, and she’s all, “How am I going to pay my bills?  Start stripping?”  I’m pretty sure that’s something I wouldn’t mention to my dad, but Randy takes it in stride.

In other news, Chelsea is going to start potty training Aubree.  There is nothing I love more than to hear about someone’s bathroom habits.  But, hey!  At least they’re focusing on one of the children now, and less on failing relationships.

Anyway, Aubree wants nothing to do with it and kicked the potty over.  Luckily it hadn’t been used yet, or that would have made a really disgusting mess.

Update on Chelsea’s GED so far: she passed her reading and social studies tests.

JENELLE

So Jenelle moved in with Josh, huh?  Why does this not surprise me?  She’s wondering if she moved in with him too quickly.  Why does she wonder this?  They’ve been dating a whole week! Sheesh.  Anyway, Jenelle is annoyed at how immature and “weird” Josh is.

Jenelle brings it up to Babsy that she wants to bring Jace home overnight, since she’s been spending more time with him lately.  Babsmeister is not too keen on the idea.  You know what this means, don’t you?  Fight!!!

During a family outing, Jenelle is super sick and can’t go on a family outing and Babs isn’t too happy about it.  So, um, why didn’t she just call Babs ahead of time to let her know instead of having her trek them all out to Jenelle’s house?  Anyway, Jenelle is crying and Babs is going off on her about how she disappointed Jace.

LEAH

Apparently Corey wants to get back together and she lets Jeremy in on this.

Side note: Does anyone think Leah is terrible at recreating conversations?  It can’t be that easy though, to pretend this is the first time you’ve talked about this.

Anyway, they pin the whole break-up on Corey again, because that’s what they do by default.

Later, Leah hotfoots it to Corey’s house to discuss the sitch with him.  Corey says he misses how it used to be and that she’s the only girl he’s ever been in love with.  He tells her that he still gets butterflies around her.  Then the subtitles stop and I have no idea what Corey is saying.  I need to learn how to read lips. From the gist of things, it sounds like they don’t want to just jump back into a relationship together.

Side note: At one point, Leah heads out to meet up with her friend and, by the time she leaves the house and arrives at the restaurant, she had completely changed her clothes and her went from a ponytail to being down.  Thanks to a reader for pointing this out to us.  I love seeing inconsistencies in TV shows and movies!

When Leah has another recreated convo with Corey, she isn’t too happy with him, because she doesn’t think he’s sincere and doing it because he loves her.

Leah decides to evaluate things and think if it’s worth ruining her relationship with Jeremy over.  Her parents try to talk some sense into her and tell her to think of her kids…she “can’t afford this to be a bad decision.”

KAILYN

Kail is heading to Texas to meet up with her half sister, because she doesn’t have much of a storyline otherwise.

Kailyn is thinking about moving away and asks her cousin, Kaylie, about Texas and if she likes living there.  Kaylie gushes about Texas and how much she loves it…and then they ride a mechanical bull.  Because that’s what people do in Texas.  Wait!  I went to Texas and didn’t ride a bull.  I feel so ripped off.

So this family’s names…

Kailyn

Kaylie (her cousin)

Mikayla (her half sister)

Okay then.  Just a random observation by yours truly, but that’s a lot of similar sounding names.

Anyway, this is only the second time Kailyn has met Mikayla.  They have the same dad, who seems to be a real loser.

Kailyn decides to think about moving to Texas and how it would go with Jo, etc.

courtland-tattoo-flag

Courtland “Anmost Fanous” Rogers decided to hit up the tattoo parlor once again, and he didn’t disappoint. His new tattoo is supposed to be his skin ripped open (for some reason – I’ll assume a meth fight) to reveal what is really inside him, which is the confederate flag.  Before I talk about the flag part, am I the only one who things the bottom ‘tear’ looks like a real beat-up lady part?   As a matter of fact, it almost looks like Jonah Hill’s character from Superbad decided to change his drawing of choice and went to work on Courtland’s chest.  (If you haven’t seen Superbad, see it, you’ll understand the reference)

So, why would Courtland decide to get a tattoo of a flag that generally represents all that was bad in the early parts of American history?  His grandmama told him to of course! According to Jenelle, his grandmother owned the very first railroads in NC which makes Courtland an expert on the Civil War.  Even if you gloss over the “owning the first RR” part, which would put his grandmother at around 177 years old, I’m still not sure how that has any impact on Courtland’s knowledge of the war.

I’m not going to get all sanctimonious and start preaching about the meaning of the flag.  I understand many people ignore the bad parts of the confederacy and look at “The South” as their own little country with their own little flag representing them.  Slavery was a bad time in history but it’s not like the north was innocent throughout the entire ordeal.  That said, you have to be a complete dope if you don’t know the controversy surrounding the flag, so to permanently put it on your body is not something I would do.   To be fair, this is the same guy who had his girlfriend/wife’s name tattooed on his chest, so it’s not like Courtland is the poster child for intelligent decisions regarding ink.

Side notes: I can only imagine how he got the real scar on his hip.  In addition, that red mark is a bruise and not a shaved armpit, right?  I think that would be too low to be his armpit, but you can never be too sure.

Anyway, new Teen Mom 2 on tonight.  We didn’t blog last time it was on, but we will be recapping and live tweeting tonight, so be sure to follow!