Teen Mom Bios: Maci | Farrah | Catelynn | Amber | Leah | Chelsea | Kailyn | Jenelle Teen Mom Junkies

2012-christmascardBecause it was such a hit last year, the girls from Teen Mom have released their annual Christmas card once again.  This year, Amber remains on the cover, but is now joined by fellow star Jenelle which succinctly sums up the year for both stars.

While Amber remains in prison, Jenelle was in and out of jail through the early part of the year.  Although she has finally broken free from to tortures of probation and has remained out of trouble for a few months, her year has been quite the roller coaster.   While jumping back and forth between ex’s Kieffer and Gary, Jenelle also had to deal with her nude photo scandal, quite a few broken iphones, some questionable decisions on body ink, more drug rumors, and some health issues.  The year wasn’t all bad for her, as once she stopped bouncing between ex’s, she did find a new boyfriend which she got engaged to, and then married…  Yes, this was all 2012.

(before the moms get all butthurt over this post again, if you don’t like it, stay out of jail.  It’s not hard)

With the world scheduled to end sometime tomorrow morning, this could be my last blog post ever.   If it doesn’t, well I guess I’ll have to suffer with this cold I picked up and keep giving you the news on our favorite young moms.

leah

LEAH

On another staged Leah and Jeremy date, he asks her to be his girlfriend.  Then he asks what happened with Corey and she’s like, “he was doing things, I was doing things…” but doesn’t actually say what they were doing.  Anyway, I’m kind of bored with Leah and Jeremy already.

Since they’re “officially” boyfriend and girlfriend, Leah thinks it’s a great time to meet the girls.  Sometimes I forget kids are involved in this show.  It seems like its usually just relationship problems.

Leah calls Corey to tell him she’s seeing Jeremy and gives him the low-down.  He seems all cool with it and says he wants to meet Jeremy again, since he’ll be spending time around the twins.

CHELSEA

Shut up about, Adam!  Okay, so Chelsea hasn’t spoken to Adam since he broke up with her and she’s been all depressed and mopey and decides to go to therapy, since she has a habit of dating guys who treat her like shit.

When Chelsea brings up therapy to her mom, her mom thinks it’s a good idea.  Chels is all, “Why does everyone think I’m so messed up?”  Chelsea, I have 1 word for you: Adam.

So Chelsea goes to therapy and immediately starts in on her drama with Adam, and blames it on her parents divorcing when she was a Freshman.  She doesn’t want Aubree to deal with having split up parents.  The therapist tells her to Google “boundaries.”  When she does, she finds out she has low self-esteem.  I could have told her that.

KAILYN

Kail is all upset that Jordan has been hanging with other girls and cries to Jo about it.  Seems kind of weird to me to talk about your love problems with your ex like that.  Anyway, Shifty tells Kailyn to just go on with her life and stop worrying about having a boyfriend.  Why doesn’t she ever take this advice?  He’s not the first person to tell her that.

Kail calls Jordan to officially end things.  She says she doesn’t want Isaac to grow up in an unstable relationship.  Maybe she should talk to Chelsea…

When Kail is telling Jo all these, she gets all upset when she realizes she’ll probably never be with Jo.  He’s all serious with Vee and stuff now.

JENELLE

Jenelle’s been passing her drug tests, but she’s off her medication.  Babsy tells her to go back on her meds.  Listen to your mother, Jenelle!  So, anyway, Jenelle tells Babs about some new guy she met and Babs’ first two questions are: Is he cute and is he skinny.

Um, what?  Has Babsy been hitting the sauce?

So the guy Jenelle is meeting up with is named Josh.  Right away, she tells him she’s on probation.  To his credit, he doesn’t run away.  Turns out he just got off probation for stealing his mom’s credit card.  It’s a match made in heaven.

Right away, Josh goes with them to Myrtle Beach…”them” being Jenelle AND Jace.  Why does she bring him around her son so soon?  They all seem to do it.  I kind of wonder if MTV pushes this?  They need material, dammit!

When Jenelle is talking to Babs about the date, Babs is like, “Does he have a car?”  And Jenelle says, “Yes, so he’s very responsible too.”  Because having a car = being responsible.  Got it.

Wow!  Jenelle and I have something in common: “When I get tired, I turn into a raging bitch, dude.”  She said this during a meeting of Josh and Babs.  Josh looks like “whoa.”  Haha.

And then Adam…sniff…Aubree misses him…sniff…I’m selling myself short…sniffffff

Just kidding.  No one is shocked.

CHELSEA

More stuff about Adam.  Ugh, when will the madness end???

So Chelsea and Adam don’t talk much since he got into a fight with Papa Randy.  She calls him and is like, “Omg, I need my Adamboo!” and he said that it isn’t working out and she has her dad to thank for it.  Cue the weird music and Chelsea’s raccoon eyes as she boo hoos over this and the rest of us are getting up for snacks.

Chelsea goes running to daddy and tells him that he got too involved.  I love how she blames other people for Adam’s douchebaggery.  Randy goes on and on about how Adam never chipped in for the bills or anything, and Chelsea is all, “I just think someday he’s gonna grow up.”  She ends up agreeing with him that she should maybe move on for Aubree’s sake.  Hallelujah!

WARNING!!!!!!!!  Adam without his shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *covers eyes*  Adam is telling his tattoo artist (because he can afford tattoos and not bills) that he loves the single life at night and is done with Chelsea.

Meanwhile, Chelsea is studying for her GED, but can’t focus because she’s still smitten over Adam.  (In other news, Chelsea got a new puppy since she was feeling lonely.  Her friend about the dog: “He’s a lot cuter.”  HAHAHA.  I love that.)

When Chelsea has to take her GED the next day, she can’t get out of bed because she was mooning over Adam all night.  Her friend tells her that it’s better for Aubree to be in a healthy environment instead of having a screwed up family.  Can I get an AMEN???

LEAH

Leah is all excited about starting school and about Husband #2 (Jeremy) that she has started talking to.

Leah rambles on and on about how she always gets serious and doesn’t want someone else to hurt her.  Earth to Leah: STOP GETTING SO SERIOUS THEN!  I guess it’s too late for that though.  Anyway, her and her newest heartthrob set up a date.

Leah and Jeremy end up going Go-Kart racing or something (don’t hate me, I don’t really know what they’re doing, haha.  Looks like Go-Karts though.)  Jeremy reminds me an awful lot of Corey.  They both have trucks and both need subtitles.  Leah should run away fast.

Leah starts nursing school and misses her girls, and feels weird not knowing anyone at school.  When she’s ready to feel sorry for herself, she gets flowers delivered to her at the school.  Guess who they’re from?  Yep.  Loverboy.

KAILYN

Jordan doesn’t trust Kailyn because she cheated on him with Jo, which is always a good basis for a relationship.  Kail admits to her friend that she wants to ditch Jordan sometimes to hang out with her friends and her friend says that Kail has never been single and, hey!  Maybe she should try it sometime.  Kail is very hesitant.  It appears she needs a man in her life to not feel lonely.

When Kail calls Jordan later to tell him she’s going out with friends, he gives her the third degree about who she’s going out with, which she isn’t too happy about.  Later on, she tells Jordan that they rushed into getting back together and that she wants to be apart for awhile so she can focus on Isaac and school.  She pretty much breaks up with him without breaking up with him.  She says she won’t change her status on Facebook and he says he won’t either.  WELL, THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!  That Facebook status pretty much tells you everything you need to know!  (As a side note, how annoying are those people who change their relationship status every couple of days?  Geesh.)

After a night out with friends, she was supposed to meet up with Jordan, but he said he’s hanging out with some girl and can’t meet up with her after all.  Kail freaks on him and he ends up hanging up on her after saying she’s the one who wanted a break.

JENELLE

Jenelle wants to write a letter to her probation officer saying she won’t smoke anymore and, if she does, she can lock her up.  Not only that, but Jenelle and her friend, Tori, make a pact not to smoke weed anymore.  (And we all know how that turns out, ahem.)

Jenelle reads the letter to The Babs, but I have to admit my mind started wandering.  Jenelle reads in such a monotone.  But she basically says that she won’t smoke weed anymore.

It’s Jace’s 2nd birthday and Jenelle shows up with a present and then she talks to Jace about how his dad missed his birthday…again.  This is only like the second time they ever mentioned Andrew and it just seems so awkward and out of place when they do.

Later, Attorney Dustin calls Jenelle and says that the probation officer is giving Jenelle another chance.  He tells her to be on her best behavior.  Easier said than done, Dustin.  Easier said than done.

Seeing as the feedback I got from the photo of Dalis in her bra was mostly positive (even from girls), I apologize in advance for Jenelle in her panties.

In order to clear up the pregnancy rumors, Jenelle did what any sensible person who has been linked to all types of drugs would do…. take a picture in front of the mirror looking extremely thin, pill bottles on her dresser, and absolutely 0 signs of surgery that she was supposedly in the hospital for.

I don’t want to call Jenelle a liar, but let’s just say the reason she’s in her panties is because all of her pants caught on fire.

Hopefully this will be the last Jenelle story for awhile, but I have a feeling she has been creating a big web of “untruths” that will all eventually come crumbling down in a few weeks when something breaks.  I just cannot buy the ovarian cyst story after this photo.   I am still not sure if she is pregnant, but it does give a lot more validity to the eyewitness who was in the hospital with Jenelle.

Because Jenelle and whatever boyfriend she’s with at the time still hasn’t grasped the concept of twitter conversations being public, we were treated to another gem yesterday.  Her future ex-husband, Courtland, took to twitter to say this…

omfg just got the best news i have ever had…and my life just keeps getting better….jenelle….i freaking love you!!@PBandJenelley_1

And of course, Jenelle replied….

@courtyb11 love u too be out of the doctors in a min ill show u the paper when I get in the car :)

Which means while Jenelle was still sitting there in the doctors office with her bare bottom flowing in the breeze, she texted Courtland (who was apparently waiting in the car) the news.  Being the best news he’s ever had in his life, he had to share it with whoever it is reads his twitter account.   Keep in mind, before Jenelle can even get dressed, rumors start circulating about Jenelle being pregnant.  I mean she’s at a doctor with a paper that apparently gave him the best news ever?  It has to be pregnancy, right?  Even if it were test results saying he didn’t have the herp, he wouldn’t be over the moon with the results, would he?

But wait, Jenelle tries to “clear things up” with this gem….

I HAD A PSYCHIATRIST APPOINTMENT TODAY, IM NOT PREGNANT.

Right, gotcha. That tweet did absolutely nothing to squash the pregnancy rumors, because there are probably about 5 people out there who actually believe it.  Either Jenelle got a lifetime prescription to Xanax and Courtland was anxious to see it in person, or she was never at a shrink.

Seriously, psychiatrist appt?  That’s the best you can come up with?  Just minutes prior you said you’ll be out of the doctors with a paper for Courtland.  You could have at least said it was a personal matter from the family doctor.

What do you think about her “psychiatry” appt?

I just sat back to relax, thinking the daily crazy Jenelle story was done with Courtland’s new tattoo, but then I get news they somehow topped it. According to Radaronline, Jenelle and Courtland put on their finest feathers, shiniest glasses and t-shirt tuxedo and went down to the local courthouse to get hitched.  That’s right, in order to beat Corey’s mark of 6 months dating, Jenelle and Courtland made it official and are now a married couple.  Edward and Bella,  Prince William and Kate Middleton, and now Courtland and Jenelle Rogers.  It’s like the world is now complete and now it can end this year and we’ll all be happy …. and yes, kill me for using a Twilight reference.

I know it was her sister who leaked it to Radar Online, but based on the photo she revealed about the car accident, I tend to believe Ashleigh more than Jenelle these days. In addition, she supplied a copy of the wedding certificate, so here you go…

(is it wedding certificate, marriage license, marriage proof?  I don’t know the exact term)

It wouldn’t be us if we didn’t put a realistic spin on it, so it’s time to have a poll….

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