I’m going to rip through this recap like the Teen Mom girls rip through relationships. It’s late and I know you guys use this mostly to chat with each other about the show, so I want to get something up for you to do that.
On that note, wtf is up with these moms and marriage? Melinda and I have been together like 7 years now, and sure that’s longer than normal, but when I watch episodes of Teen Mom, I feel we should have been married 6 1/2 years ago and had 5 kids by now. Are we moving slow, or is this normal and the stuff we see on TV is just crazy fast because the moms are …well, crazy.
Jenelle – Starting with our favorite train wreck, it’s time for Jace’s 3rd birthday party and Jenelle is tired of all the kid crap. I mean seriously, he’s had his fun the first 2 birthdays with things like family, now it’s time to bust out the kegs and have a REAL party! Ok, maybe exaggerating a bit, but the way Jenelle made it sound was that Jace had all these boring parties before and he needed to invite other people, like Kieffer! It was basically a scummy way to get her junky boyfriend invited to her kids party, that’s all.
We did get to find out that Jenelle is flat broke, and despite all the other mothers pretending they have money problems, I actually believe Jenelle on this. She claims it was on weed, but I’m sure she also shot up quite a bit of those huge paychecks MTV was giving her. Remember boys and girls, Kieffer was in the picture at the time, so we all know the money didn’t just go to weed.
Chelsea – It was her 21st birthday and she had to pretend this was her first time drinking. Her mother said Chelsea has been acting so mature and responsible and that’s promptly when I stopped listening to her segments because I was too busy laughing. Another week of nothing exciting happening in her life, but that’s been the last few seasons.
Kailyn – It’s been a few months in the relationship between Javi and Kailyn, so naturally it’s time to get married. I mean that’s the thing to do, right? Anyway, he takes her down to some place she grew up, proposed to her and then they talked about all the great benefits they’ll get because she’s married to someone in the military. Ahh, must be nice to be able to get married to someone you barely know so you can enjoy those type of benefits. I’m not going to go off on a rant on gay marriage again, so let me turn to Kailyn’s suddenly super bitchy second reason for marrying…. so she’ll hold more weight when the military up and moves them across the country and she can just take Jo’s son away.
Unless MTV has a crush on Jo and have edited out some incredibly awful things, I have to say Kailyn is quickly becoming the worst person on the show… even passing the girl who is a serial cheater, and one who does heroin. From everything we’ve seen and heard, Jo has been nothing but a solid father, and very patient when dealing with Kailyn, yet she’s constantly trying to screw him over every way she can. Here is an idea, you’re the one who is choosing to get married to someone in the military, let Jo have custody of Isaac while you travel the country.
Leah – Leah got married, again. Fun times. I’m pretty sure if she gets married one more time within 2 years, her 4th is free! Keep that child support train chugging along, in a few husbands and kids you may never have to work again!